I didn’t think I would be one of those brides! I didn’t think I would absolutely lose it! Up until last night, I hadn’t lost it. I was cool, calm, collected. Everything was going the way it’s supposed to go. All of the details and the planning were coming along fine. I didn’t have anything to worry about. My invitations were sent out, the cake is on order, the favors are almost finished, the decorations are all purchased and ready to set out on the tables, the venue is reserved, the dress looks great, Michael’s suit is on the way. Everything is going as planned.
So what happened?
Last night I went through all of the RSVPs again to make sure I had the right number of guests. As I was going through the check marks, I realized that just about everyone on my side, apart from family and current coworkers, had sent a denial. I had been receiving the RSVPs for a few weeks and would see a cancel and put it in the box. No big deal. But as I went through it again, I noticed there were quite a few “Will Not Attend” marks. And when I reviewed who they were from- they were all from guests I had invited.
Yes. Some friends that would be out of town, an old coworker who moved out of state, my best friend who just recently moved and will be having surgery. It felt to me like I had picked the worst date in the world! And then I really though about it…
Some information I wasn’t sure I would share with my readers: My dad passed away 3 years ago. After some time you go through your day and realize you will make it another day without breaking down about it. And I thought I was ok. I had come to the realization a long time ago that he wouldn’t be there for some of those big milestones in my life. I’m only 26. There are quite a few big things that are coming up in my life over the next few years. He passed away when I was 23. I don’t have kids of my own yet, and I hadn’t gotten married. A lot of loss has come my way. Given time, I have found that I can get myself through it.
It can be hard.
When I was feeling really upset about how lonely I felt with all of the guests I invited not attending the wedding, in my mind I kept picturing my dad. I guess I realized my sadness and loneliness was more about my dad not being there than anything else. I talked it over with my brother (oh yeah, I have a brother- hadn’t mentioned him on the blog yet! He’s 9 years older than me with two wonderful kids) and in talking things over with my brother, he has accepted my request to walk me down the aisle. He also made a suggestion of an empty seat with my dad’s motorcycle vest on it with a sign that we saw on Pinterest that says “We know you would be here today if Heaven weren’t so far away.” A nice way to give tribute to my dad, and to show him that we are thinking of him.
How are you feeling?
You know what I realized? I realized that it’s just one day. That what I scheduled for myself isn’t always going to work for everyone else. I also realized that the people who I really want to be there, my family- they’re all coming. So while I may have wanted to have a few more people attend, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. It just means that they can’t make it that day. There will be other opportunities for me to spend time with these people later where I can tell them all about the wedding and show them pictures.
I’m still excited for the wedding. I felt much better today. And the quote that keeps coming up over and over “We know you would be here today if Heaven weren’t so far away.” I know my dad would have wanted to be here if he could.
My regular scheduled wedding series post will be coming tomorrow, this post wont replace it! And as I mentioned in the last post: Last Minute Details, I will be posting tomorrow about the pre-bachelorette party I had with my girlfriends a few weeks ago!
Any big breakdowns you had during your wedding planning? Leave a comment below